Are You a People Pleaser?

There is a fine line between what could be considered being kind or nice and people-pleasing. People pleasing is often a stress/trauma response. Typically people-pleasers want to please others at the expense of their own needs and have a tendency to feel their needs aren't as important and can tend to alter their personality to align with others.

People pleasing develops a stress/trauma response. As humans, we are built to find ways to protect ourselves either through the fight/flight/freeze response or something called fawning. Fawing is the process of conforming to the wishes, needs, and demands of others which creates a sense of safety.

Common signs of people pleasing

- pretend to agree with everyone

- over apologize

- take responsibility for how others feel

- feel burdened with things you have to do

- difficult to say 'no'

- easily upset if someone is mad at you

- imitate people around you

- avoid conflict

- difficulty to admit when your feelings are hurt

There are a number of 'life experiences that can lead to people-pleasing behaviors including:

- violence caused by a parent, parent, or caregiver

- emotionally absent parents

- relationship with a narcissistic partner or parent

- conflict-avoidant household while growing up

- persistent physical or mental health issues in the home while growing up

- subjected to racism, discrimination, exclusion, or micro-aggressions

- insecurity

- perfectionism

- poor self-esteem

How to overcome the people-pleasing mentality and get your needs met

- see a counselor or therapist to process emotions and develop new responses

- free yourself from roles that placed you in a people-pleasing space

- connect with yourself to understand your needs and identify how best to get these needs met

- set boundaries

- help when you want to

- think before committing

- practice self-talk

- build strength to say 'no'